nothing ever happens in Hassocks….

So aside from putting on a few things here and there as a wee coffee bar offering a slightly bigger more rounded experience of Hassocks life – wine tasting, quizzes, films, book symposium, food, drink, children’s pizza parties and the like – let’s face it Nothing ever happens in Hassocks apart from lots of lovely new houses being proposed to be built.

With this in mind we have decided to put on a couple of things during the year, a series of fortunate events if you will, that will take us from our comfort zone to putting on a few larger events – these may or may not get added to during the year so keep looking [@ the Nothing Ever Happens in Hassocks webpage]

An evening of Pie n Ale – Friday 10 April – We’re always trying to get involved with other local people, groups and businesses so we’re very pleased to have the excellent Humble Pie company on our doorstep to collaborate with and produce our very own purple carrot pies – you get to test out the prototypes as well as some of the Humblers classic and inventive creations. Not to be outdone we’ll also have a few local brews to quaff;

Wine Wars 2015 – we don’t spit, we swallow!! – a whole new take on wine-ing in Hassocks ;) first of the year is Thursday 16th April;

Saturday Supper club – £20 – once a month, on a Saturday evening we’ll rove around the globe and back to come up with some interesting grub for you to savour, probably a couple of new wines or ales to taste as well, in the newly charismatic basement cavern. Saturday 18 April

Saturday 6 June – Hassocks 7 a side football tournament – the “Fat Boys Invitational” Trophy. An entertaining afternoon watching loved ones, (mainly) men who should know better collecting groin strains, bruises and watery knees in the name of “fun” and exercise, followed by a slap-up feast at the social club – this year Humble Pies provide the (filling- ho ho ) supper and a chance to watch the european champions league final.

Hassocks Open Houses – the Purple Carrot experience 28-30 June. While it is very noble and good that some of our local artists show off their wares and hope that you’ll jolly well buy them too, it is also important to encourage the talent of tomorrow so we’ll be running a competition with Downlands School for the younger ages to pull out the paintbrush, plaster the Parisen and daub and doodle – free to wander

Lets face it some people just love it…golf that is. DOGSoc Pairs @ Hassocks  – July – Grab your partner by the clubs and enter the two of youse into a pairs challenge with a difference – we’ve made it up and the rules too- juniors, women men, a mash-up all welcome £50 a pair includes food and prizes

Sit Down for Stand up – Sunday 30 August – Adastra Hall Stephen Grant compares £12- get 2 tickets and bottle of wine for £30

 September – GET LOST in Hassocks – Treasure Hunting street and Downs orientering with a cracking hot dawg completo ending


Tonight it’s some avant garde soviet funded film-making from 1960’s Cuba. Friday it’s the Popular Pop Quiz, Sunday it’s Society Golf at Manning’s Heath.  If none of these strike your fancy keep checking out our webpage Nothing Ever Happens in Hassocks to get updates on future events we’re putting on during the year.


So to tonight’s film offering.  Doors open at 7.15pm.

A film endorsed and sponsored by such luminaries as Francis Ford Coppola and Martin Scorsese, lost in time and reinvigorated in the 1990’s, and again in 2005.

This is what Wikipedia has to say about it

The movie consists of four distinct short stories about the suffering of the Cuban people and their reactions, varying from passive amazement in the first, to a guerrillamarch in the last. Between the stories, a female narrator (credited “The Voice of Cuba”) says such things as, “I am Cuba, the Cuba of the casinos, but also of the people.”

The first story (centered on the character Maria) shows the destitute Cuban masses contrasted with the splendor in the American-run gambling casinos. Maria lives in a shanty-town on the edge of Havana and hopes to get married to her fruit-seller boyfriend, Rene. She takes a job as a dancer in one of the bars filled with rich Americans. At these bars she is known as Betty. One night, one of the rich gentlemen at the club asks her if he can see where she lives. She takes him to her small hovel where she reluctantly undresses. The next morning he tosses her a few dollars and takes her most prized possession, her crucifix necklace. As he is about to leave Rene walks in, and sees his ashamed fiance. The American callously says, “Bye Betty!” as he makes his exit.


The next story is about a farmer, Pedro, who just raised his biggest crop of sugar yet. However, his landlord rides up to the farm as he is harvesting his crops and tells him that he has sold the land that Pedro lives on to United Fruit, and Pedro and his family must leave immediately. Pedro asks what about the crops? The landowner says, “you raised them on my land. I’ll let you keep the sweat you put into growing them, but that is all,” and he rides off. Pedro lies to his children and tells them everything is fine. He gives them all the money he has and tells them to have a fun day in town. After they leave, he sets all of his crops and house on fire. He then dies from the smoke inhalation.


The third story describes the suppression of rebellious students led by a character named Enrique at Havana University (featuring one of the longest camera shots). Enrique is frustrated with the small efforts of the group and wants to do something drastic. He goes off on his own planning on assassinating the chief of police, however when he gets him in his sights, he sees that the police chief is surrounded by his young children, and Enrique cannot bring himself to pull the trigger. While he is away, his fellow revolutionaries are printing flyers. They are infiltrated by police officers who arrest them. One of the revolutionaries begins throwing flyers out to the crowd below only to be shot by one of the police officers. Later on, Enrique is leading a protest at the university. More police are there to break up the crowd with fire hoses. Enrique is shot after the demonstration becomes a riot. At the end, his body is carried through the streets; he has become a martyr to his cause.


The final part shows how Mariano, a typical farmer, ends up joining the rebels in the Sierra Maestra Mountains, ultimately leading to a triumphal march into Havana to proclaim the revolution.

Opening Hours

Dear everyone

Please note that opening hours over the coming weekend will be severely truncated as the proprietor heads off to retain his european golfing trophy for a short weekend break.

Friday 9-12.30am and 7.45- 10.30pm; Saturday 10.00 – 2.00pm; Sunday CLOSED; Monday CLOSED

Fortunately however we do have a few excellent things coming up to compensate Soy Cuba (16th March) – thanks to Dawn, Paul’s Popular Pop Quiz 20 March – going to have to start booking for these again :), The latest installment of the Symposium (Book, Film & Cake) – 30 March  and rapidly starting to take shape Nothing Ever Happens In Hassocks – a series of fortunate events

A week of firsts, and lasts

The first time the Jackpot for the quiz (a measely £134) has been won in 2015. and the last time i ask such easy questions :-(

today – first time I’ve done a birthday meal for two, hope you liked it and it won’t be the last :)

Thursday 5th March – The first time we’ve tried drinking pudding / dessert / after dinner wine at the purple carrot and the last call for the few remaining spaces available – don’t miss out on Giles’ unique take on life, and wine

Friday 6th – Monday 9th March – first time I’ve left Iona in charge of the carrot – last time I let other people organise part of the European “Dogs-on-tour” trip.

Due to my absence there will be a truncation of usual opening hours over the weekend to look something like this.  Friday 8.45am – 12.45pm  and 7.45pm – 10.30pm; Saturday 10.30am-2.30pm; Sunday CLOSED; Monday CLOSED


B..cus..I’m Happppi

There was a customer in the coffee Bar the other day and amongst other parts of putting the world to rights they also  suggested I was negative about things.

Well how little do they know me. How can they suggest that of someone whose favoutitest EVER book is “Eeyores little book of Gloom”, the same person who has spent over 35 glorious years supporting the awesome Bradford City as a footballing penance and had the pleasure, nay privilege of working for a Local Authority dealing with the adoring public and self-important  senior officers and politicians, on and off for nearly 20 years…

What’s not to be happy about??

…and as I have now paid me subs to some holding company so I can carry on using my domain name you can once again read about my sublime happiness on this ‘ere blog

Anyway just in case anyone else gets the wrong impression of my wonderful life let me tell you what fantastic things will be occurring on or near abouts the purple carrot in the next few weeks

Friday 13th – 10.00am – Scrabble Challenge – beat the proprietor and get a free coffee / tea  

Sunday 15 Feb – DOGSoc Golf February Freezer competition – The Dyke  £27 – cafe closing early at 11.30am

Monday 16th – 7.30pm – Purple Carrot Book Symposium
This months books to check out: If on a winter’s night a traveller – Italo Calvino; Any Human Heart – William Boyd
take two books, choose one or both or not, discuss and critique then recommend the next – £5 – includes glass of wine or tea / coffee and nibbles

Friday 20th – 7.30 for 8pm – Paul’s Popular Pop Quiz  – £4 / £8.50 with food – It’s pie night too! – enjoy the end of the half term with some proper irreverent irrelevance

Monday 22nd – 7.30pm – Games night – a chance to play some cards, hit the scrabble table, Rumicub the opposition into submission, breakout the backgammon, or chance upon something new and exciting to while away a few hours in our newly decorated basement cavern…

Friday 27th – The monthly Hassocks Hash – 7.30pm prompt

Monday 2nd March 7.30pm for 8pm start -The New Monday Night Trivia Quiz

Thursday 5th March – they’re back – Wine Wars 2015 return to the purple carrot and what a starter.   Well actually not a starter at all but desserts and Pudding wines to tickle the taste buds accompanied by some rather splendid puddings and cake, and cheese. Tickets £16 in advance from the purple carrot

Friday 6 – Monday 9th Feb – limited opening hours as yours truly escapes to the continent for a couple of days –

spoiler alert – NOTHING EVER HAPPENS IN HASSOCKS – a series of events adopted and put on by the Purple Carrot just to prove the point 

SUPPER CLUB COMING SOON – munch with the bunch


could anything be more exciting?

This week we have two events to tell you about (well three if you count next Monday as well). The Neighbourhood Plan Consultation (housing part) (yes I know yawn yawn), The first Wine Wars of the year, and next Monday’s New Monday Quiz

FRIDAY 30th 7.30pm & Saturday 31st 10.30am  So usually you just sort of troll along, popping off to work, relaxing into your weekends, planning future holidays, so when someone tries to tell you about the Parish Council and the Mid Sussex District Council and the West Sussex County Council well it’s pretty boring really isn’t it and they’re all the same anyway – corrupt, self-serving, ineffectual, inefficient, killjoys, no idea what’s really going on – but suddenly, stealthily almost, a trickle of developers turns into a deluge and we want to know why aren’t these councils doing more to protect our “village” from the nasty private sector people?

It is at this point (hopefully) that you realise the nice comfortable bubble of existence that we enjoy here in the shadow of the South Downs National park is not something that should be taken for granted and that being a NIMBY is a right that has to be earned, and sensible reasons for sustainable growth postulated, argued and agreed. The time for moaning is over. The time for ranting is not going to happen. The time to be complacent and tacitly complicit has come to an end. IF YOU DON’T LIKE WHAT IS PROPOSED FOR HASSOCKS YOU, YES YOU must now come to terms with doing something about it, not leaving it to others – who wouldn’t do it right anyway –     the Neighbourhood Plan is NOT the Parish Council’s plan but the communities plan compiled, after consultation with the community (THAT’S YOU / US again) and others, by the Parish Council and other volunteers – everybody working on the plan is a volunteer and everybody is encouraged to get involved.

There are 2 consultation events, 30 & 31 January @ Downlands School, all about site assessments, which sites are suitable or not and what else should be considered or other potential sites and the size of developments. All the details are here
oh my gosh it’s really happening what can we do….

SATURDAY night – 31 January  7.45pm for 8pm start   After you have finished venting your spleen, conversely known as putting a cogent and coherent argument together the time is probably ripe to continue fixing the world and what better way to do this than explaining to all who will listen just which of the 7 wines at under £7 is the best with which delicious cheese as The Keymer and Hassocks Sports & Social Club opens its doors to the wider community for a right proper wine tasting session. Giles, from Hurstpierpoints’ excellent Southdowns Cellars will offer a masterclass in understatement whilst selling the finer points of white, red and rose, while Mystic (still basking in the glow of Stamford Bridge 4 goal hospitality) will provide purple carrot cheeseboards filled to the brim with High Wield Dairys finest. Tasting starts at 8pm , until about 9.30 and there will be prizes too. Any donations/contributions/funding to the costs you might wish to give will be passed on to local charities and WaterAid.

Finally, and technically next week, it is the Purple Carrot New Monday Quiz again a 7.45 for 8pm start. Suitable for teams of 1,2,3 or 4 (5 or 6 if you like) Now I know some of you don’t come along because you only like to go to one’s that you win at !!! (you know who you are) and others feel that they might drink too much on a school night, but with a jackpot round now standing at over £100, questions ranging from the current, past a future, the easy to the improbable, table rounds to puzzle and tease, a modern invention called decaf coffee (won’t keep you awake all night or get you drunk) and our usual nibbles, platters, cheeseboards and cake…well it’s probably worth giving it a try n’es pas?

Quiet isn’t it

Welcome to the new year, I assume you’re all still out there…?

January is always a bit slow as peeps come to terms with the uncomfortable truth that remortgaging the house to pay for Christmas wasn’t actually the best idea ever.

So to help you get through the monetary drought we have some low cost going out oportunities for you to experience and enjoy over the next few weeks

Friday 9th – 7.30pm – Malc’s chatter -the essentials of run performance and creating a training plan  

Monday 12th – 7.30pm – Purple Carrot Book Symposium
This months books to check out: Our Man in Havana – Graham Greene; One Day – Paul Nicholls; The fountain at the centre of the world – Rob Newman
take two books, choose one or both or not, discuss and critique then recommend the next – £5 – includes glass of wine or tea / coffee and nibbles

Friday 16th – 7.30 for 8pm – Paul’s Popular Pop Quiz  – £4 / £8.50 with food

Monday 19th – 7.30pm – Games night – a chance to play some cards, hit the scrabble table, Rumicub the opposition into submission, breakout the backgammon, or chance upon something new and exciting to while away a few hours

Friday 23rd – The lovely Karen’s birthday

Saturday 24th – Book Club Boogie @ the Hassocks Hotel . Help the lovely Karen celebrate her birthday with some bangin’ toons from a bunch of DJ’s who should know better “Moist Marty T” , Mystic Willy, DJ Coot and Crispy Creamy Cheesy Christoff will take you through styles, moods, highs and higher on a journey through sounds. £8 in advance (£10 on the door) tickets from Marchants, The Purple Carrot

Saturday 31st – the beginning – PC Tasting treats Wine Wars 2015. First event of the year to be held at the Keymer & Hassocks Sports and Social club in Adastra Park – presenting Giles super “7 for Seven” and tasty cheeses from hereabouts Tickets £10 in advance from the purple carrot

Monday 2nd Feb 7.30pm for 8pm start -The New Monday Night Trivia Quiz

Monday 9th Feb – Guides film night

Sunday 15 Feb – DOGSoc Golf February Freezer competition – Lewes £27

New Years Eve

This year we will be mainly enjoying food and drink and feastive cheer

NEW YEARS EVE 8.30pm – 1am

Come and join the purple carrot crew for a very pleasant evening of food and chatter, platters that matter, round the world countdown, midnight bubbles, and possibly a few tunes for the younger and young at heart –
Let us know you’re coming BEFORE midday Wednesday (31st) so we can get the catering right.

Ticket ONLY £12, with family tickets also available –

txt 07814360341 or email



My Apologies – book symposium postponement

Really sorry people but I’m going to have to postpone tonight’s Purple Carrot Book Symposium until Monday 12 January as I’m feeling well ropey and would be no sort of host. I couldn’t bear to be the bringer of poorliness to households over Christmas – the Festive fungus, Christmas Ills n Chills, Holiday heath taker.  Much prefer to be thought of in a positive light, for business purposes you understand…

NEW YEARS EVE 8.30pm – 1am

Come and join the purple carrot crew for a very pleasant evening of food and chatter, platters that matter, round the world countdown, midnight bubbles, and possibly a few tunes for the younger and young at heart –
Ticket ONLY – £12 – family tickets available –

while we’re on the subject I’m afraid opening hours at the Purple Carrot over Christmas will be a bit hit and miss due to a couple of family commitments and the fact that no-one leaves the comfort of their chair in front of the TV for two weeks anyway!

  • Tues 23rd OPEN 8am- 5.30pm
  • Wed 24th 8am – until all the food is eaten up in the afternoon… 
  • Thurs 25th CLOSED
  • Fri 26th 9am-11.30am
  • Sat 27th 9.30am – 2pm
  • Sun 28th CLOSED – football tournament 1.30pm
  • Mon 29th CLOSED
  • Tues 30th CLOSED
  • Wed 31st New Years Eve Party 8.30pm-1am
  • Thurs 1st Jan CLOSED
  • Fri 2nd CLOSED
  • Sat 3rd 9.30am-2pm
  • Sun 4th 9.30am-12.30pm
  • Mon 5th 7pm-10pm – QUIZ