MacMillan – World’s biggest Coffee Morning

Today is MacMillan coffee morning.

Homes and businesses across the country eating cake and drinking tea and coffee and putting the donations to cancer support. Being a coffee bar we’re at a bit of an advantage to sort that out properly so Wateraid can take a back-seat today and instead we’ll donate 50p of every coffee, tea, cake we sell today to MacMillan cancer support. Can’t make it to the carrot? Haley at Reflex is on the high street is doing one too so no excuses.

A few places left for tonight’s wine wars

You Decide

The Purple Carrot, in association with South Downs Cellars, presents Wine Wars’ of Hassocks 2016
This month on Thursday 15 September our white and red options are Chardonnay and Malbec – just right for an Indian Summer.

What is your favourite grape variety? We aim to provide a (less than) definitive guide to the best single grape varieties of wine in the world.
Obviously there are gazziliions of blends out there so we are stripping it back to basics to take a look at 12 single varieties (both red and white) to test the palate
Whites: Riesling ; Sauvignon Blanc; Pinot Grigio/Gris; Chardonnay; Viognier; Chenin Blanc
Reds: Shiraz/Syrah; Pinot Noir; Cabernet Sauvignon; Malbec; Merlot; Tempranillo

Each Month 4 Whites and 4 Reds of the same Grape variety
Top 2 scoring varieties go head to head to choose No1 White and Red.

December White & Red Final Top 2 Grape Varieties

booking is always advisable, a £5pp deposit is required, as places are limited. £15 in advance, £17.50 on the night. All evenings are 7.45 with an 8pm start

It’s today

So finally the bank holiday Sunday summer special Ha Ha Hassocks longest title for an event so far this year, has arrived.

If you are wanting food there is a BBQ being run by the sports and social club, starting about 4pm – 50 yards away from Adastra Hall in Adastra Park – which comedy attendees are very welcome to gorge on.  The veggie option will be arriving at about 5.30pm.  This will continue until about 7.30pm, or until the food runs out, whichever is earlier. There will be a prinks option featuring Gin and Bubbles available at Adastra Hall from 6.30pm  when the doors officially open. The bar will also feature local bottled beers and ales from Bedlam, Hurst and Darkstar breweries, and wines from Southdowns cellars – including a limited amount of Plumpton’s excellent white. Soft drinks and crisps (maybe some chocolate) will also be available.

The comedy starts in earnest at 8pm and will continue on until roughly 10pm with a couple of intervals in between to get your breath back, refuel and prepare for the next installment, and the bar will run until 10.30pm.

Our line-up is now confirmed as Sean, Dana and Ian Stone “Seriously funny” The Guardian
“…like a cross between Tony Hancock and Frankie Howerd. Stone is probably better than we deserve. Ultimately, it is the sheer quantity of funny material that really impresses” The List.   

Image result for ian stone
ian stone – one heck of a headliner!

I hope you are all looking forward to it as much as me and the chaps, oh and the sun is due to shine from roughly 5.45 – 7.45 to enjoy the early evening ambiance of the park, and then dash inside for some serious Ha Ha

Still Closed

Sorry but the Purple Carrot will remain closed until Thursday 25 August, due to Chris’s ongoing battle with a venomous all consuming illness (cold) that has struck him to his very core. It is probably better that he does not continuously sneeze into food, or loudly AttcchoooOOO!! whilst taking coffee orders. This continued absence may cause upset to some but saving people from the distressing fate of encountering red rimmed itchy eyes and overly soar nose ends on arrival at said cafe is of paramount importance to your stricken host.

Also we want to be ready for a fun weekend with the Summer Hassocks Hash (social run with chatter, drink and nibbles afterwards) on Friday evening (7.30 prompt start). DOGS golf @ Mid Sussex Golf Club on Saturday afternoon (3pm start) and of course the Bank Holiday summer special Ha HA HAssocks Stand-Up on Sunday @ Adastra Hall (a few tickets left) with good quality tasty BBQ option (chilli-burgers awesome, veggie options too) available at the Keymer & Hassocks Social club in Adastra Park and Gin & Fizz prinks from 6.00pm, the stage opens at 8pm

Sadly the Purple Carrot will be closing…

…Until 22 August. Sorry but I’m knackered.

Apparently it is good for the soul (and family) to have a holiday so due to the extremely kind friends we have we will be despoiling a small part of southern France and north east Spain in pursuit of fine wine and future menu items.

On our return look out for

  • Fri 26 Aug – Hassocks Hash Run (open to all fast or slow, fit or otherwise)- 7.30pm
  • Sat 27 Aug – DOGs golf  – 3pm
  • Sun 28 Aug – Bank Holiday Summer Special Comedy @ Adastra Hall – doors 6.30pm first act 8pm
  • Mon 5 Sept – The Trivia Quiz – 7.30 for 8pm – the jackpot pot is starting to get a bit more tasty again
  • Tues 6 Sept – needles ready it’s Knit n Natter – 7pm
  • Thurs 15 Sept – Wine Wars (Chardonnay & Malbec try to plant themselves on the leaderboard of great grapeness) – 8pm

Hasta manana amigos

Ha Ha Hassocks Comedy Summer Special – Sunday 28 August

This year’s biggest comedy event (in Hassocks at least) is rapidly approaching.  And what a way to round off the holidays it is too. With less than 4 weeks to go we still can’t 100% confirm our headliner – but we can say if he doesn’t make it Stephen will be pulling ALL the stops out, calling in BIG favours to write the HUGEST cheque to get someone almost as awesome. There are still some tickets left at £17.50, or two tickets with a fine bottle of wine from Southdowns Cellars for £41 available from the Purple Carrot, Marchants Estate agents and online

Buy tickets for Ha Ha Hassocks presents - The Summer Special - year 2 - bigger and badder

– HA HA Hassocks Holiday Special @ Adastra Hall – Sunday 28 August doors from 6.30pm

  • Fully Licenced Bar until 10pm

Back to where it all started just one year ago we aim to offer even more mirth and full on chortling for the good denizens of Hassocks and surrounding suburbs (Burgess Hill, Haywards Heath….Brighton) with three top draw comedians.

Make a proper evening of it? Keymer & Hassocks Sports & Social Club (The Club for ease of ref) will be providing BBQ’d fare from 5pm at a very reasonable price, and we will be starting on the Pimms and Gin from 6ish – obviously it will be a beautiful summers evening so a chance to sit out and enjoy what Adastra Park has to offer – the thwack of leather on willow perhaps ? – before the main event as our first act hits the stage at 8pm

OUR MC Stephen Grant will warmly welcome…. a warmly, nay hotly, anticipated line-up.

2 cracking Canadians Sean Collins & Dana Alexander and a top-notch special guest – due back from filming in Asia just a couple of days before…. (ummm I wonder who that might be….

Stephen Grant – Winner of two Chortle Awards. Starred in ‘Stand up’ for Comedy Central. International headliner – Aus, NZ, India etc. Regular compare at Brighton Komedia. 7 Edinburgh shows. Sold out show at Theatre Royal in Brighton. DJ for Radio Sussex & Regular radio guest on Heart FM will be your compere for the evening.

Sean Collins –  Canadian Sean has 25 years experience in stand up comedy, with initial success leading to ‘Best Male Stand Up’ nominations at the Canadian Comedy Awards, a Just For Laughs Gala set at Montreal and his own hour long special on Canadian television. Since moving to the UK, Sean has quickly established himself as a respected comedian. His appearance on Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow on BBC 1 proved a bombastic gig for Sean, affording him the opportunity to perform at The Real Variety Showcase.

Dana Alexander – is currently one of Britain and Canada’s hottest emerging young comedians – It was not long before she began working in television on BBC programs like Russell Howard’s Good News. Edinburgh Comedy Fest in 2012 and featured on The Culture Show in 2013 for BBC 2. Refreshing and fearless her comedic style has been described as ‘smart, irreverent and revolutionary’.

And the other guy??? many (too many) tv appearances, his own show, currently making a second series in Sri Lanka and India…he needs no introduction, he just needs to get on that plane.

Material may not be suitable for younger audiences (U18’s with parental approval only).

ROAR – right of admission refusal.

Acts can be subject to change.

Tickets ordered online are subject to a transaction administration fee.

Where can I contact the organiser with any questions? email:, or come into the purple carrot, 4 Stanford Terrace, Hassocks

trivia quiz, Ha Ha Comedy Night, Fat Boys Football, Hassocks Pairs Golf, Wine Tasting….

back in the saddle, on a bolting horse

Monday 6th – Tonight it’s Trivia time with the purple carrot quiz – 7.30pm for an 8pm start – we also have PIES :0) and a Jackpot of over £170 which needs to be won! – £2.50pp (£7 with Pie n mash)

Tuesday 7th  – Knit n Natter hit back with some cunning stitches and neat overlaps to keep you entertained and up to date with all the latest crochet and knitting moves 7-8.30pm – FREE

Friday 10th – Ha HA HAssocks Season Finale – yet another interstellar line-up and with one Mr Stephen Grant back in the bosses chair prepare to enjoy a rip-roaring last comedy event of the season.  A few tickets left but don’t expect to get one on the night. Doors 7pm for 8pm start @ the Hassocks Hotel – buy tickets online, or come get one at the purple carrot or Hassocks pub

Saturday 11th – Fat Boys Football tournament (yr7) – As homage to the slightly younger, fitter and possibly more talented men who will be strutting their stuff on the European Stage – we host the annual huffing and puffing tournament at Downlands school 3G pitches – 12.30 – 3.30pm. Followed by food at the Hassocks Sports and Social club in Adastra Park , and a chance to see Wales and england win their first matches of Euro 2016. If you have a team or want to don your boots one last time let us know by Wednesday night £10pp

Sunday 12th – Hassocks Pairs Golf Tournament – @ Hassocks golf club. Not one, but TWO winners! £28 – in advance (£55 a pair). Get to play Hassocks before it becomes your new house! prizes, kudos , lunch and a course that should be in excellent condition . Our annual event that puts friends and colleagues together to confound the critics as to what a marvellous standard they really can achieve, or at least enjoy the food on offer and the banter to go with it. First tee 12.30pm. If you are interested you have until Wednesday evening to enter – email

Thursday 16th – Wine Wars returns. What is Hassocks favourite Grape? Once again it is up to you to decide. This month we try out – Sauvignon Blanc & Pinot Noir – perfect summer combinations – £16 with nibbles –

Now we are 4…the 20%-ers

Apparently only 20% of start-up businesses survive past 4 years. So either we’re clinging desperately at not having to re-enter 9-5 conformity or doing something right.

Anyway we thought we would combine 4 years of larging it up with our 42nd hosting of the Hassocks Hash run – one of our most frequent and utilised events/social occasions, and while we’re at it get a couple of other peeps to drop by with nibbles and wine to try out too. This will take place from 7pm – 10pm at the Purple Carrot on Friday. After which we will close up for a few days to recover and reconvene the following Thursday 2 June (in time for luncheon).

Friday  – 28 May – Hassocks Hash – back out on the open Downs Welcome to the forty-second consecutive Social Run. Put aside your petty tribal running differences and enjoy a jolly good yomp along the sides of the south Downs. Then re-liquidify yourselves with some of the Purple Carrot’s finest, and enjoy a bit-o-banter, plan your next 5km, marathon, mudbath, pub visit? It is a free event and EVERYONE is welcome to come and run / jog / sprint!! the Hash.


Five Fabulous Future Friday fun-Filled Functions For u to come to

Friday 1 – 29 AprilPaul’s Pop Quiz returns, as does the popular host.  Come and gawp at the purple suited one as he joyously dances around his adoring public .  YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE GOOD AT POP QUIZZES to thoroughly enjoy this evening of entertainment. Also guesting this month on the food front will be Karen Lee (of the sensitive foodie fame) offering an excellent sweet potato dish to prove that not all Vegans are bad people!! Food from 7.30 quiz starts at 8pm. You will need to book, or at least check in, if you haven’t already as space is getting limited

Friday 2 – 6 May – The Great Hassocks GRAPE-OFF – Wine Wars 2016 returns to batter your tasting senses. Other paler village imitations will be tolerated but you won’t better the hardcore Giles Cutlack (Southdowns Cellars top man) on the dance-floor of winning wines, the gulping gourmet, king of the gurgle and glug, a grape grape man indeed. Anyhow enough of the alliterative punning, suffice to say that this year, having had Australia come out top of Hassocks’ favourite wine producing country two years in a row it is now time to find out which grape really floats your boats. Over the coming 7 months we’ll be taking 16 major grape varieties and mercilessly squeezing the best out of them to leave us with just two in the December final.  Bookings in person at the Purple Carrot, email, facebook or phone to book your place

Friday 3 – 13 MayHa Ha Hassocks – stand-up comedy @ the Hassocks Hotel. So the conversation may have gone something like this (if it had happened) Hey Stephen it will be good to have you back to restore order and calm to those rowdy young ladies that like to natter rather than lap up every syllable of comedic wit and insight?  “I’m pine-ing” sorry to hear that “I’m pine-ing for the Fjords” what? “there’s Nor-way you’re going to get me to do it” Please?  “I have to go to the depths of Nordic lands to fulfill my obligations to Santa and his merry reindeer” Really? “Yes really, I’d rather be cruising” But what about the good people of Hassocks and surrounding areas (excepting the independent mirthless republic of Ditchlin-where-‘r’u’all) who wait on your every harangue and put-down? “You’ll just have to LAP-it-Up” Okay so I’ll put away the bribe complimentary bribe tickets for the Head of the local infants school for this month then “gosh darn it yes best to keep the powder dry on that one” So what are we going to do? “Fortunately I have a willing goat to the slaughter” sorry? “A guest compare of estimable charm and verve, he’s very good you know” Will he sort out any rowdies? “Oh yes indeedy, you’re going down if you take on Maff Brown…”

So unfortunately there will again be no Stephen Grant, cus he can’t,  but the most excellent Maff Brown will be taking on the compare duties and inviting you to be entertained by Andrew Bird, Josh Dillon, Jake Howie and Jarleth Regan…and all for only £13.50 – tickets from the Purple Carrot or online (Hassocks Comedy / Purple Carrot events)

Friday 4 – 20 May –  – Now we are 4 and all grown up. Help us celebrate. 4 years of fun rolled into one at the Purple Carrot. We’ve now been open 4 years and as a thank you for your custom we thought we’d put on a little something extra special to give Hassocks and her many commuters a happy hug, but we couldn’t think of anything special enough to fit the bill so perhaps we’ll just be offering a wee bit of our regular stuff with cameo appearances from a few of our main contributors over the past four years.  7 – 10pm – liquids AND nibbles will be at the centre of it all – donations to our main charity WaterAid will be happily accepted on the night

Friday 5 – 28 May – Hassocks Hash – back out on the open Downs Welcome to the forty-second consecutive Social Run. Put aside your petty tribal running differences and enjoy a jolly good yomp along the sides of the south Downs. Then re-liquidify yourselves with some of the Purple Carrot’s finest, and enjoy a bit-o-banter, plan your next 5km, marathon, mudbath, pub visit?

Comedy weekender in Hassssssocks

Buy tickets for Ha! hA! Hassocks presents...   PART 1 – FRIDAY 15 APRIL  –HA HA Hassocks @ The Hassocks… In Hassocks – doors 7pm

This month guest MC Jen Brister is thrown to the wolves as Stevie G takes a breather (probably doing two or three shows for a rest!) Jen should have no trouble coping with our lovely Hassocks crowd and introducing our new batch of energetic stand-up’s

Jen_Brister.jpgJen’s take on her life goes something like this “I consider the profession of a comedian to be highly dysfunctional. Nothing about stand up comedy screams anything other than MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES! What kind of a job is making people laugh anyway? Ridiculous….” Sounds like a show to me.

entrusted into her care this month we welcome :


Paul_Tonkinson_Main.jpg Paul Tonkinson A self-confessed professional northerner – and far worse, a celebrity Manchester United fan, Paul Tonkinson is a star of comedy in all its forms. Be it on stage, in character or as a TB host, this man does not fail to make you giggle. Having made his name as host of The Sunday Show, he took an even bigger step into the limelight when he replaced Johnny Vaughan briefly on The Big Breakfast. Still relatively fresh-faced, Paul has actually been at the game quite a long time. Back in 1992, he was winner of the Time Out New Act of the Year Award and then completed the comedy double when he won Time Out Stand Up Comic of the Year in 1997. On stage, Paul leads his audience on a guided tour through the differences in male and female logic and can take the mickey out of almost every region in Britain and further afield.

amy_howerska-christine_hayter04.jpg Amy Howerska… is a Comedian, Actress and Writer. She is also a Polish Irish Catholic Jew, born and raised in Wales. A diversity box ticking wet dream (she is also heavily persecuted). “Superb set, gnarly, gutsy, like ski jumping in the nude.” – Phil Kay “Amy Howerska’s tales of life in London and New York are sharply-observed and her comic timing is wickedly accurate.” – Venue Magazine.
“Like Mary Poppins on a comedown.” – Superego Comedy New York

29-copy.jpg?w=132&h=150 David JordanLet his critics do the talking for him…“Brilliant, hilarious & edgy songs.” – Francesca Martinez “hugely crowd-pleasing musical comedy, neatly delivering up acerbic couplets and self-depricating humour.” – Victoria Nangle – L7 “he’s a consummate entertainer, and there’s plenty of light-hearted joy in his songs and self-deprecatory banter,” – Steve Bennett “His impeccable guitar-and-voice simplicity lends something quite different to his music, with complex and interesting tunes matching his slightly sour, cynical worldview perfectly, catch him now.” – TOURWORTHY.COM

paulmyrehaug.jpg Paul Myrehaug… is an award-winning performer who has toured the world, winning acclaim from international publications thanks to his natural stage presence and dry humour. a successful Canadian stand up that you might have seen on TV. He makes you laugh at things you feel guilty about finding funny. Like his hanging around at tube stations just as the last train is due to leave in order to pick up girls …

Buy tickets for Ha! hA! Hassocks presents...   PART 2 – SATURDAY 16th APRIL – THE TREason SHOW –

– “Brilliantly written, exquisitely performed” ~ Chortle

* NB This is NOT a stand-up show but something quite different to the norm

* Excellent food available

* Licensed bar including Southover Wines, Bedlam & Dark Star beers until 11pm

Straight outta Brighton (& Hove) comes a comedic juggernaut of a treat. The Treason Show’s smiling assassins come over the hills to the FAR FAR AWAY land of Mid Sussex, with their satirical sideswipes at the world of politics, sport and celebrity, taking what’s in the news and spinning it into comedy gold. Have I Got News For You crossed with Spitting Image via Not The Nine O’Clock News.”Multi-talented performers-fast, witty, topical and surreal with a few million laughs” THE LATEST.”The savagery of HIGNFY mixed saucy acting and gleeful music, these floorboard terrorists could give The Thick of It a run for their money.” SOURCE.”An arsenal of acute writing and a great versatile cast bring the crowd to rapture. The sketches come as thick and fast as the laughs” THE ARGUS

* Fully licensed bar

* Matteo’s Marvelous Mediterranean Mezze (V) or Southern Pulled Pork sandwich with Creole coleslaw and sweet potato fries

* Tickets available at local outlets and online – £13.50 ticket only

* Pre-order your food – save time and cash – £20 a ticket – you will be contacted about your food choice in advance of the event via email


Only a few tickets left for each so you know what to do….